Hello and welcome to the slowest part of my blog. I am not currently out adventuring, so updates are seldom, and when they do happen, they may be in the form of spontaneous poetry. If you are looking for the "good stuff," please check out the first half of 2008 and all of 2007.
I am thinking of putting together a "best of" in book form - if anyone knows of publishers/agents amenable to my humble cause, please let me know.
ALP
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Admiral Shaddock
Have you heard of the old dugongs’ tale about Admiral Shaddock?
They say he was brilliant but he had barnacles in the attic.
He had coppery pimples, a cloven mustache
He was overly porous and belonged in the trash
From Port Orford to Port Moresby, Callao to Kowloon
He commanded a squadron of pirate dragoons.
His flagship was the frightful frigate Fritillary
Fresh freed from Friday Harbor by Berber mercenaries
His crew was a stew of brine and raisins
Rumkegs of flotsam and louts twice-misshapen
Pickled sea cucumbers, starfish on steroids,
Flunked-out flounders with halibut hem’roids.
A clam with the crabs, an archy bald haddock
These were the sailors with Admiral Shaddock.
They were harbored in Hammerfest one gray April day
With cargo from Key Largo, baled and labeled “hay.”
Bound for Pusan, Phuket and Panang,
Where they’d fodder a horse named Dr T.Mang
Problem was, that the admirable admiral Shaddock
Was restless as a mustang in a half-hectare paddock.
Said he “I hate to go all the way down to Capetown
Surely there’s a shorter, faster way to get around.”
His myxotic quixotic Midshipsquid Teuthis
Said “I know one way you could do this.
The Northeast passage would be a kick in the pants
All the way to Vladivostok, starting in Murmansk. “
“Perfect,” said Admiral Shaddock, “Let’s head North.”
Bosun Gertrude whistled sourly, and the frigate set forth.
Now around the sea of Kara, the air grew somewhat cool-nippy
Which upset the first mate, Right Leftenant Cthulhippy.
The Leftenant read into the mutiny cue
And easily persuaded the rest of the crew.
They served him spoiled tuna on toasted ergot rye
And a nutmeg and haloperidol warm custard pie.
Then when his mind was where wine-drowned mice go
They marooned Admiral Shaddock on a snow-crowned ice floe.
Then they headed back South down Caribbean way
And pawned the whole cargo at Montego Bay.
Meanwhile Admiral Shaddock waits in his freezing bungalow
No fruit has patience like the vengeance-seeking pomelo.
They say he was brilliant but he had barnacles in the attic.
He had coppery pimples, a cloven mustache
He was overly porous and belonged in the trash
From Port Orford to Port Moresby, Callao to Kowloon
He commanded a squadron of pirate dragoons.
His flagship was the frightful frigate Fritillary
Fresh freed from Friday Harbor by Berber mercenaries
His crew was a stew of brine and raisins
Rumkegs of flotsam and louts twice-misshapen
Pickled sea cucumbers, starfish on steroids,
Flunked-out flounders with halibut hem’roids.
A clam with the crabs, an archy bald haddock
These were the sailors with Admiral Shaddock.
They were harbored in Hammerfest one gray April day
With cargo from Key Largo, baled and labeled “hay.”
Bound for Pusan, Phuket and Panang,
Where they’d fodder a horse named Dr T.Mang
Problem was, that the admirable admiral Shaddock
Was restless as a mustang in a half-hectare paddock.
Said he “I hate to go all the way down to Capetown
Surely there’s a shorter, faster way to get around.”
His myxotic quixotic Midshipsquid Teuthis
Said “I know one way you could do this.
The Northeast passage would be a kick in the pants
All the way to Vladivostok, starting in Murmansk. “
“Perfect,” said Admiral Shaddock, “Let’s head North.”
Bosun Gertrude whistled sourly, and the frigate set forth.
Now around the sea of Kara, the air grew somewhat cool-nippy
Which upset the first mate, Right Leftenant Cthulhippy.
The Leftenant read into the mutiny cue
And easily persuaded the rest of the crew.
They served him spoiled tuna on toasted ergot rye
And a nutmeg and haloperidol warm custard pie.
Then when his mind was where wine-drowned mice go
They marooned Admiral Shaddock on a snow-crowned ice floe.
Then they headed back South down Caribbean way
And pawned the whole cargo at Montego Bay.
Meanwhile Admiral Shaddock waits in his freezing bungalow
No fruit has patience like the vengeance-seeking pomelo.
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